My mom forwarded me an email that she recieved today. It was originally from a preschool sunday school teacher at our church. During the prayer time for snack, the teacher asked a student to pray. Intending to say the Lord’s prayer, the child began to pray. Most of the prayer came out right..except for the part mentioning “trespasses.”
“Forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.”
I thought it sounded pretty theological.
its a choice right?
okay.
i forgive.
i think my favorite moments in life are when you know. you just know. that God is at work inside your heart. there’s no way he isn’t. because wouldn’t you think if ”that name” envoked so much rage and within me. that “that face” would too.
in looking through old pictures, and found a…suprise. i found one of the two of us. i couldn’t help but just to stop and stare for a moment. there we were. smiling. happy. before any hurt like this had occurred. before it all crumbled.
i was wondering, what was he like at that point in time? what were his plans for the future? i’m sure they weren’t this. and in reading anne’s blogs as of recent. regardless of how much i hurt. he’s my brother in christ. and i’m commanded to love him. and he’s dealing with a spiritual battle too.
while it was definitely hard to look at dave. i’m glad i found that picture. it reminded me who he was. and i could look at it. and think of someone besides myself for a change. and while its going to take a long long long time to completely heal. God can do it. and in the meantime, use my prayers to help heal a broken man.
his name popped up during work today. my heart stops everytime i see it. it doesn’t matter that this time the name belonged to a different person. just that its like his.
i want to be able to forgive. i thought i had. or at least was in the process of doing so.
i keep laying it down…and snatching it back from under God’s feet.
how can one name fill me with so much anger and hurt and rage? and why can’t i let it go.
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